TV GUIDE: All in the Family (Archie Bunker)

12x8 oil on panel, black floater frame

Aaaand the "Loving Your Fellow Man Award" goes to … not Archie.

The show, "All in the Family", brilliantly used humor to challenge racism, bigotry, and homophobia. By poking fun at the absurdity of these beliefs, the show made viewers think twice about their own prejudices … all while making us laugh.

I particularly loved Archie's malapropisms … like this classic:

"Certainly, that's the way it was for a long time. One religion 'til they started splittin' off into all them other DENUMERATIONS there. Your Catholics, your PERSPITERIANS."

And then there was that time he called the gynecologist a GROINOCOLOGIST. I mean … that's some pretty great writing, right there.

I'm more of an Archie than an Edith, tho my graceful, elegant, and July-Andrews-like persona may suggest otherwise. But only when it comes to whining! Not all that racist and bigotty nonsense. I just mean while Edith never complained or said a mean word about anyone, I complain more than Jerry Stiller's character on Seinfeld. (My family's one quarter Jewish … complaining is our love language). As a brief aside, if you'll indulge me, this is in stark contrast to the Scottish side of my family. The British are known for their stiff upper lip and excessive politeness, even when it's unmerited. If my Scottish grandmother arrived at a B&B and they stuck her in a broom closet, she'd sleep standing up and compliment them in the morning on their lovely, cozy room.

If I, on the other hand, get a hotel room with a double instead of a king bed, my entire vacation will be ruined. Or if my husband leaves the TV control out of my reach, or toast crumbs in the butter, not only will he get the stink-eye (I mean, how dare he!), but he'll also be treated to a ten-minute litany of all the ways in which he has wronged me in our marriage. So yeah … I'm basically like Archie, and an absolute fuckin' joy to live with.

It's a wonder I'm still married. I don't know what the process for sainthood entails, but the Vatican should Canonize Fran immediately. OH, and it just struck me … he even has the same name as the current pope: Francis. I mean if that's not proof enough for his Beatification, what more do you need? A miracle?